The amusing thread

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Thu Oct 28, 2010 10:29 pm

Cute... :D:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Fri Oct 29, 2010 7:03 am

Ya with my luck I will be reincarnated as a piece of some mans chewing gum... affraid :help:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Oct 29, 2010 5:44 pm

at the risk of duplicating stuff here...

THE IRISH PROSTITUTE_

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.
'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write
to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand
what ye put yer old Mother thru?'

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff...Dad...I became a prostitute.'
'Ye what!!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're
a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad...as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million
savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex.
And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible
that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club...(takes a
breath)...and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on
board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

'Now what was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff...a prostitute, Daddy! Sniff,
sniff.'
'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye
said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!'
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Oct 29, 2010 6:23 pm

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

The lady can't take this any more, “You foul-mouthed sex obsessed
Pig,” she retorted indignantly!

“In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
Lives!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '!’

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Fri Oct 29, 2010 7:06 pm

:laugh: :laugh: LMFAO.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Fri Oct 29, 2010 7:30 pm

LMAO

Grumpy is on a roll for sure!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Sat Oct 30, 2010 8:00 am

Both are great Grumpy! lol!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Sat Oct 30, 2010 10:02 am

To funny keep them coming grumpy LOL
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Sun Oct 31, 2010 6:53 am

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Sun Oct 31, 2010 7:20 am

Cheers Grumpy!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:16 am

ROTFLMAO :laugh: :HAHA:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Sun Oct 31, 2010 9:27 am

drink Good ones. drink
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Thu Nov 04, 2010 6:47 pm

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Well, at least your eyesight's just about perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

________________________________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started ..

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:17 pm

Excellent thanks

LMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Fri Nov 05, 2010 7:20 am

lol! LMFAO ROTFLMAO ROTFLMAO
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Siamese Twins

Post by bob2701 on Fri Nov 05, 2010 7:25 am

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim . Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim ?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture..."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John . "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:27 am

Superb a truly well developed sense of humour there Bob keep 'em coming
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:43 am

LMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Fri Nov 05, 2010 9:11 am

LOL to funny Bob
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Sun Nov 07, 2010 1:22 pm

Did you see this one?

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Sun Nov 07, 2010 2:21 pm

LOL gay hell's angels huh.. bet you don't see many of those
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Sun Nov 07, 2010 10:23 pm

grumpydaddy is on a roll again. lol! thanks
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Mon Nov 08, 2010 10:49 am

A Little Christmas Story





A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Mon Nov 08, 2010 11:30 am

LMAO thanks.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Mon Nov 08, 2010 1:04 pm

LOL now we know.
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Re: The amusing thread

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