The amusing thread

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Mon Nov 08, 2010 9:28 pm

LMAO

Ya learn something new everyday. smile:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Thu Nov 11, 2010 4:24 pm

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me wearing this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Thu Nov 11, 2010 5:10 pm

:HAHA: lol!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Thu Nov 11, 2010 5:22 pm

LMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Thu Nov 11, 2010 9:08 pm

And thats when the fight started. LMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Nov 12, 2010 3:55 pm

Choosing a wife



A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of £5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the £5,000. She gives him back his £5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest tits.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research... This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:05 pm

LMFAO

Excellent Grumpy!!! thanks
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:55 pm

LMFAO to funny
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by HemiDog on Fri Nov 12, 2010 6:24 pm

:laugh: ROTFLMAO :laugh: ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Fri Nov 12, 2010 9:26 pm

lol! Another great one grumpydaddy lol!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Sat Nov 13, 2010 12:19 pm

The missus was watching a cookery programme the other day.

I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, "You watch porn."


Bitch.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Sat Nov 13, 2010 12:21 pm

I was playing Fifa earlier, and found that Chicago had a team called Chicago Fire. I was disgusted, imagine naming your sports team after the worst event in your cities history. You don't see the New Orleans Katrinas, the Boston Massacres, the Okalahoma Bombings, the San Francisco Big Ones, or the New York Jets...

(not meant to offend..... see it for what it is)
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Sat Nov 13, 2010 1:00 pm

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...

Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

_____________________________________________________

Just got a new aftershave that smells like bread crumbs.

The birds love it.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Sat Nov 13, 2010 2:37 pm

LOL very subtle.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:03 pm

Bottle of Wine
(Women will LOVE this one!)
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday
morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but
amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women
drivers.
The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,
just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must
be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the
rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, it is a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God
wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. She hands the
bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with them.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:17 pm





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Re: The amusing thread

Post by HemiDog on Sat Nov 13, 2010 5:07 pm

:laugh: ROTFLMAO :HAHA: :laugh:

Great one Bob lol!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Sat Nov 13, 2010 5:35 pm

Their all great, but this last one from Bob is EXCELLENT!!!!!! :laugh:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Sat Nov 13, 2010 6:22 pm

That's great to funny
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Tue Nov 16, 2010 12:36 pm

MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE


A foursome of guys is waiting at the men’s tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee.

The ladies are taking their time.

When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet, then goes over and whiffs it completely.
Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says, apologetically,
"I guess all those " FUCKING LESSONS" I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it.
You should have taken "golf lessons" instead!"

He never even had a chance to duck. He was 43.......

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Tue Nov 16, 2010 1:12 pm

You spend a lot of time on the golf course bob? :Kewl: ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Sun Nov 21, 2010 11:26 am

Lifesavers

The Candy With The Little Hole


This should make you smile.
You have to love little kids.


The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red.....................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green...................Lime
Orange ...............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my Gosh! They're ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room!



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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Sun Nov 21, 2010 11:40 am

OMG I think I pee'd. ROTFLMAO :HAHA:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:24 pm

LMAO ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:56 pm

LMAO I had to forward this to my wife.
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Re: The amusing thread

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