The amusing thread

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Sat Oct 16, 2010 1:11 pm

LMAO, both were Excellent!!!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Sat Oct 16, 2010 1:26 pm

..on a roll here

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS


A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.


He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'


The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking..'


Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.


There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:


One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.


The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'


The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'


To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'


LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS(Part 2)




Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.


'Why?' asks the father?


'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.


'But that's right!' says his dad.


'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''


'What's the f........ difference?' asks the father.


'That's what I said!'





LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH




Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'


RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate..'


Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'


Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a b***job.'




LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR(Part 2)




One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.


First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'


'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.


'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'


She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.


'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''




LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER




Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'


Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'


The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.


I LOVE Little RALPHY!!!!!

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Sat Oct 16, 2010 1:35 pm

I like little Ralphy
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Sat Oct 16, 2010 2:03 pm

I'd say Grumpy & Ralphy are both on a roll. :laugh:

LMFAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Sat Oct 16, 2010 2:11 pm

LMFAO ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Sat Oct 16, 2010 4:51 pm

Learn from your Elders


A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.

This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep. :Nananana:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Sat Oct 16, 2010 5:16 pm

LMAO I'll have to remember that one
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Sat Oct 16, 2010 6:16 pm

That is fantastic!!! ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Sat Oct 16, 2010 8:49 pm

Good one Steve. drink
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Thu Oct 21, 2010 11:17 am

AUSTRALIAN WAY No matter what side of the AISLE you're on, THIS is FUNNY and VERY telling! It just all depends on how you look at same things.

Judy Rudd an amateur genealogy researcher in southern Queensland’s, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Prime Minister Kevin Rudd great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Melbourne in 1889. Both Judy and Kevin Rudd share this common ancestor.



The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows at the Melbourne Gaol:

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Rudd horse thief, sent to Melbourne Gaol 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Melbourne-Geelong train six times. Caught by Victoria Police Force, convicted and hanged in 1889.'



So Judy recently e-mailed Prime Minister Rudd for information about their great-great uncle. Remus Rudd:
Believe it or not, Kevin Rudd's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

"Remus Rudd was famous in Victoria during the mid to late 1800s . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Melbourne-Geelong Railroad.

Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad.
In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the Victoria Police Force. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

NOW That’s how it's done, Folks!

That's real POLITICAL SPIN.

Before anyone tells me this is a hoax....I know ...lets call it "artistic license"
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Fri Oct 22, 2010 8:07 am

Thats funny!

Our Family history here in Canada started with 3 Hamilton brothers whom were comvicted Horse thieves escaping Scottland to the New World.

I always liked horses.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:24 pm

photos here??... trialing how it handles

edit:....guess it is imageshack then
Attachments
Heart.jpg You don't have permission to download attachments.(37 Kb) Downloaded 6 times
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:27 pm

Good one Grumpy.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:48 pm

oh that one stinks... ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Fri Oct 22, 2010 5:32 pm

Leave it to Grumpydaddy to fill the air. smile:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Oct 22, 2010 5:37 pm

Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food
for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me
asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because
I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke
up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs
in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it
works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of daft things to say.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Fri Oct 22, 2010 5:41 pm

lmao good one grumpy
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Fri Oct 22, 2010 8:01 pm

Thats fantastic!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Sat Oct 23, 2010 7:21 am

:laugh: LMFAO ROTFLMAO ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:06 pm

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment..

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, mate, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man. The waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The truckie sighs, pauses, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:12 pm

Thats good! :D:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:58 pm

:HAHA: :HAHA: LMAO.
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Wed Oct 27, 2010 4:12 pm

To funny thx Grumpy


Last edited by smduff on Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Wed Oct 27, 2010 4:22 pm

:laugh: ROTFLMAO :HAHA:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Thu Oct 28, 2010 5:08 pm

important health and safety info...

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Re: The amusing thread

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