Re: The amusing thread

by **SavageNFS** Mon Mar 14, 2011 4:42 pm

That is pure win...roflmao

:HAHA:

by **grumpydaddy** Mon Mar 14, 2011 4:49 pm

uh huh :laugh:

Back at ya....

An elderly Irish man is on his deathbed. He can feel the end isn't far off, when he suddenly notices a wonderful aroma. He realises his loving wife of 60 years is baking his favourite food, scones.

He finds the strength to drag himself to the kitchen, and as he reaches his frail, withered hand up to the table, he suddenly feels the whack of a wooden spoon, as his wife barks,

'Feck off, they're for the funeral !

by **SavageNFS** Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:01 pm

OMG! That's awful...

by **4hams** Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:42 pm

LMAO!

by **smduff** Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:37 pm

LMAO sounds like my mom thinking

by **bob2701** Mon Mar 14, 2011 7:47 pm

The Fur Coat..

http://elrellano.com/videos_online/4624/circo-roncalli.html

by **4hams** Tue Mar 15, 2011 6:58 am

Hey that was cool!

by **grumpydaddy** Tue Mar 15, 2011 5:15 pm

My boy said to me.... "Dad, can I have a spider for my birthday"?

"A what"

"A spider, you know a tarantula"

So I went to the pet shop and found that they wanted to charge me $50 for the damn thing....... Sod that, I can get one cheaper on the web

by **4hams** Tue Mar 15, 2011 6:31 pm

:HAHA:

by **bob2701** Tue Mar 15, 2011 7:46 pm

I recall my first time with a condom. I was 16. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's
pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because
everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady, (I think her name was Dolores),
knew what they were for.

She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed
by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make
sure it was on tight and secure.

I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite
you,' she asked?

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head.
She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed
her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW,
I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,'
and held up my thumb to show her.

She then beat the shit out of me....

Women have always been hard for me to figure out.

by **4hams** Tue Mar 15, 2011 7:48 pm

I think every young man should have an experience like that bob... LOL

by **bob2701** Tue Mar 15, 2011 7:57 pm

I think my first time I ended up walking out because there was a women at the counter.

by **SavageNFS** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:34 pm

rofl...condom on thumb :Cool:

by **bob2701** Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:00 am

Elton John and David Furnish decide to have a baby.

They mix their sperm together and have a Surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.

When the baby was born, they rush to the hospital.

A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming but over in the corner, one baby is smiling Serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child is theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful!" Elton says to David. "All these unhappy babies and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"

The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his Ass ! "

by **smduff** Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:08 am

LMFAO...that's just not right but I can't help but laugh.

by **SavageNFS** Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:15 am

that's just because it's really funny :D:

by **4hams** Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:08 am

Politically correctness has no place in jokes! I love it! lol!

by **bob2701** Thu Mar 17, 2011 3:36 pm

THE IRISH PROSTITUTE

An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year. Upon her return, her Father cussed her. 'Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?'

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...'

'Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club.....(takes a breath).....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and.. .'

'Now what was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad..

Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.'

'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.

Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!

by **bob2701** Thu Mar 17, 2011 3:42 pm

On St. Patrick's day, let's not forget our Irish Up-bringing!

1) You will never play professional basketball.

2) You swear very well.

3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds political office. And you have at least one aunt who is a nun or uncle who's a priest..

4) You think you sing very well.

5) You have no idea how to make a long story short!

6) There isn't a big difference between you losing your temper or killing someone....

7) Many of your childhood meals were boiled. Instant potatoes were a mortal sin.

Cool

You have never hit your head on a ceiling.

9) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer.

10) You're strangely poetic after a few beers.

11) Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations.

12) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Catherine or Eileen ... and there is at least one member of your family with the full name of Mary Catherine Eileen

13) Someone in your family is very generous. It is more than likely you.

14) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing..

15) You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking.

16) You're not nearly as funny as you think you are... but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.

17) There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.

18) You are, or know someone, named Murph.

19) If you don't know Murph then you know Mac. If you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully.. Then you probably know McMurphy.

20) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.

21) You have Irish Alzheimer's... you forget everything but the grudges!

22) 'Irish Stew' is a euphemism for 'boiled leftovers.'

23) Your skin's ability to tan.... not so much. (Only in spots!)

24) Childhood remedies for the common cold often included some form of whiskey.

25) There's no leaving a family party without saying goodbye for at least 45 minutes.

26) At this very moment, you have at least two relatives who are not speaking to each other. Not fighting, mind you, just not speaking to each other.

by **4hams** Thu Mar 17, 2011 3:57 pm

LOL

by **Steve** Thu Mar 17, 2011 5:36 pm

LMAO :laugh:

Bob's on another roll.

by **grumpydaddy** Thu Mar 17, 2011 6:01 pm

He sure is... :D:

I hope this travels....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPyl2tOaKxM

by **bob2701** Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:42 pm

Jehovah's Witness

There was a knock on the door this morning, I opened it and there was a young
well dressed man standing there who said:

"I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the shit out of me". I've never gotten this far before."

-- Ben &Marcy

by **SavageNFS** Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:49 pm

LOL...that's too funny :laugh:

by **4hams** Sat Mar 19, 2011 8:47 am

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