Re: The amusing thread

by **bob2701** Sun Feb 06, 2011 8:41 pm

SCOTTISH COMPASSION

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England, Wales, and Scotland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a k iss and walked on.

The Scottish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked laddie?'
The man broke into a big smile and said, ‘No’.

She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in.'

by **bob2701** Sun Feb 06, 2011 8:44 pm

Funny animals.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kg1gK2E7dAQ

by **4hams** Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:12 am

by **bob2701** Sat Feb 12, 2011 10:34 am

Borrowed from DNCSF.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQRMvg5TAl8&feature=player_embedded

by **4hams** Sat Feb 12, 2011 11:07 am

So does this mean more folks now smoke Ganga then attend church? lol!

by **smduff** Sat Feb 12, 2011 11:35 am

No it just means more church goers are smoking weed, lol

by **4hams** Sat Feb 12, 2011 12:10 pm

smduff wrote:No it just means more church goers are smoking weed, lol

LMFAO!

:HAHA:

And i guess instead of the whole wolrd going to hell in a handbag, we are all going to pot! :D:

by **bob2701** Mon Feb 14, 2011 7:42 am

An older couple, at an art exhibition, were staring at a painting that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

They asked the curator of the gallery for an interpretation. He explained how it presented the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in predominately white, patriarchal society.

"In fact," he said, "Some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.“

After the curator left, a man with a noticeable maritime accent approached the couple and said,

"Would yous' like to know what the painting is really all about?"

“How & why" asked the couple, "could you claim or be more of an expert than the curator of this gallery?"

"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. " In fact, there's no African-Americans shown here at all.

“They're just three Cape Breton coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

by **4hams** Mon Feb 14, 2011 7:48 am

LMAO! :laugh:

by **Steve** Mon Feb 14, 2011 8:53 am

:laugh:

Good one Bob, thanks!

by **smduff** Mon Feb 14, 2011 9:09 am

LMFAO sounds about right to me.

by **bob2701** Fri Feb 18, 2011 6:56 am

A Polite Way to Pee

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students.

Teacher : "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael : "Just a minute I have to go pee."

Teacher : "That would be rude and impolite."

Teacher : "What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter : "I truly am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back."

Teacher : "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word
Bathroom at the dinner table."

Teacher : "And you, Little Johnny, can you use your brains for once
And show us your good manners?"

Little Johnny : "Darling, may I please be excused for a brief moment?
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I am
Hoping you will get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted........

by **SavageNFS** Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:13 am

OMG...

bob, I don't know you, but I think we are going to get along just fine drink

by **Steve** Fri Feb 18, 2011 8:50 am

by **4hams** Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:26 am

Fantastic Bob! ROTFLMAO

by **smduff** Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:49 am

LMFAO now that's a good one thanks Bob.

by **bob2701** Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:58 am

The Salesman:

A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big 'everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.

The manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says, 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin .'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.

'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came to see him. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid says 'One'.

The boss says 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says, '$101,237.65'.

The boss says, '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell him?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said 'down the coast,' so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'

The boss says, 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK? Is that right?'

The kid answers, 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot; you should go fishin'

by **smduff** Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:07 am

lmfao good one

by **SavageNFS** Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:17 am

an oldie but a goodie... lol!

by **Steve** Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:57 am

Great Bob! thanks

by **4hams** Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:30 pm

Love it!

by **bob2701** Tue Feb 22, 2011 7:13 am

Wally was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf.

He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....

Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!" "I hope you're proud of yourself!"

"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU!" "It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care."

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed...

Then the doctor snickered and said,

"I'm just screwing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

by **SavageNFS** Tue Feb 22, 2011 7:20 am

OMG!

by **4hams** Tue Feb 22, 2011 7:32 am

Oldie but goodie! :HAHA:

by **Steve** Tue Feb 22, 2011 8:55 am

Good one!

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