Re: The amusing thread

by **4hams** Sun May 01, 2011 5:33 pm

:laugh:

:HAHA:

by **SavageNFS** Mon May 02, 2011 6:20 am

lol...very funny.

by **grumpydaddy** Wed May 04, 2011 11:42 am

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

when actually......

The amusing thread - Page 14 1797_9350_450

The amusing thread - Page 14 1797_9350_450

Remember this....'cos one day some pretentious fool with a modicum of training in the field of psychology is going to ask you....... you just know it. :)

by **Steve** Wed May 04, 2011 12:14 pm

How very true!

by **4hams** Wed May 04, 2011 1:38 pm

Thanks Mike!

by **Steve** Sat May 07, 2011 12:29 pm

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse, he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?' Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir.'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....

' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'

by **smduff** Sat May 07, 2011 12:53 pm

LMFAO good one Steve

by **grumpydaddy** Sat May 07, 2011 12:56 pm

Still grinning... :laugh:

by **rrplay** Sat May 07, 2011 3:05 pm

very very ! :HAHA:

by **4hams** Sat May 07, 2011 3:58 pm

:laugh:

by **SavageNFS** Sat May 07, 2011 4:18 pm

still laughing hysterically...it was written "male patient", but all I read was Bob!!! Sorry Bob! All those trips to the hospital must have planted a memory in my mind ROTFLMAO

by **bob2701** Sun May 08, 2011 1:57 pm

Good one Steve.

Thanks Andre, I had my sponge bath but not by a cute student nurse for sure. Nurse Ratchet is more like it. smile

:

by **bob2701** Tue May 10, 2011 5:55 am

An Italian Mother

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son, Anthony, for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email:

Dear mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:

Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama

by **SavageNFS** Tue May 10, 2011 6:32 am

Never underestimate the power of Mom. Good one Bob!
ROTFLMAO

by **4hams** Tue May 10, 2011 7:38 am

by **Steve** Tue May 10, 2011 8:39 am

Great one Bob. thanks

by **grumpydaddy** Wed May 11, 2011 2:42 pm

A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys?
We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in,
"I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said,
"Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,
so we let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said,
"That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them."

The ophthalmologist added, "Good idea. And maybe I could examine
them to see if there's anything I can do for them."

They were silent for a moment.

Then the engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Can't keep up with bob's quality stuff^^^^^ but golf seems to be a fav here

by **4hams** Wed May 11, 2011 2:48 pm

by **SavageNFS** Wed May 11, 2011 4:35 pm

by **bob2701** Wed May 11, 2011 4:39 pm

LMAO

by **bob2701** Wed May 11, 2011 4:40 pm

Men DO Remember!!!

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

She put on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him
sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room,
'Why are you down here at

this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 30th Anniversary
of the day we met'. She can't believe he has remembered, and she
starts to tear up.

The husband continues, 'Do you remember 30 years ago when we started
dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears, thinking that her husband is
so caring and sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming
easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat
of my car?'

'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in
my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you
to prison for 30 years?'

'I remember that, too' she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten
out today."

by **bob2701** Fri May 13, 2011 6:54 am

Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the
pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The
landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks,
he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion,
the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub,
the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then
another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough
drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman
swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?" they asked.

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen
to me sister quite a few times."

by **SavageNFS** Fri May 13, 2011 7:02 am

roflmao...doh!

by **Steve** Fri May 13, 2011 8:31 am

:laugh:

:HAHA:

Both excellent Bob! Made my day. thanks

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