The amusing thread

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:09 am

:HAHA: :HAHA: Great one Mike. :yourock:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:40 am

My personal favourites are 7,10 and 15
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Fri Aug 19, 2011 12:21 pm

3, 13, 15 are mine. lol!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Fri Aug 19, 2011 1:04 pm

Great stuff Grumpy. ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Sat Aug 20, 2011 4:16 am

Heads or tails?

Have you ever wondered what drives a person to become a proctologist? When I was a kid, I liked playing with engines and electronics, my chemistry set, and anything that looked technical. This was certainly predictive of my future interests. As for proctologists, what did they play with as kids?

Here kitty kitty kitty?

When people at a party find out you're an engineer, they usually say they thought about becoming an engineer, but decided not to because they weren't any good at math. I wonder what they say when they find out a person is a proctologist? (probably not "Let me shake your hand!")
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:16 am

Poor cat... LOL
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Sat Aug 20, 2011 8:14 am

:laugh: ROTFLMAO :HAHA:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Sat Aug 20, 2011 9:40 am

lmao
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by grumpydaddy on Mon Aug 22, 2011 10:26 am

Is this a repeat?

After a long night of making love, the man notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.

He begins to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.

'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.

'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.

'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.

'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.

She whispers in his ear



'That's me before the surgery.'...

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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:12 pm

Well then shoes on and run for the door..........LMFAO and never tell the story again
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Mon Aug 22, 2011 3:13 pm

I wouldn't admit to it!!!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Tue Aug 23, 2011 4:32 pm

CURLY an OLD FARMER DECIDED
HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN
AND SEE A MOVIE.

THE TICKET AGENT ASKED,
"SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

THE OLD FARMER SAID,
"THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK.
WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."

"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT
"WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER."

CURLY THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER
AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS.
THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH,
BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.

HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO
TWO OLD DOLLS
NAMED LYNNE AND PAULETTE.

THE MOVIE STARTED
AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. . . CURLY UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO
CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT
AND WATCH THE MOVIE.

"PAULETTE," WHISPERED LYNNE.

"WHAT?" SAID LYNNE.

"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME
IS A PERVERT."

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED LYNNE?

"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND
HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED PAULETTE.

"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID LYNNE..
"AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"

"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID PAULETTE,
"BUT THIS ONE'S
EATIN' MY POPCORN...!"
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by SavageNFS on Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:05 pm

rofl... :laugh:
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Tue Aug 23, 2011 11:35 pm

lmfao that was funny
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Mon Sep 05, 2011 8:28 pm

A Police STOP at 1AM

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by SavageNFS on Tue Sep 06, 2011 6:03 am

rofl...that is a good one!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Tue Sep 06, 2011 7:37 am

lol! ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Wed Sep 07, 2011 12:00 pm

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane
when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador
Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement
Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.

'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we
get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said,
'Watch this.'

He told Sniffer to 'search'.

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very
purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's
arm.

The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said,
'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her
seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds,
returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's
arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making
a note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it!' said his seat mate.

The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for
a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the
middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure
out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he asked
the Policeman, 'What's going on?'

The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by SavageNFS on Wed Sep 07, 2011 1:23 pm

ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Wed Sep 07, 2011 2:21 pm

:laugh: thanks ROTFLMAO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by 4hams on Wed Sep 07, 2011 2:50 pm

Laugh my ass off! TWWSO
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by bob2701 on Mon Sep 12, 2011 9:05 am

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When the Head Nurse went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry..
How soon can I go home?'

Happy Mental Health Day!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by Steve on Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:22 am

LMAO biggrin
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by SavageNFS on Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:33 am

very funny... lol!
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Re: The amusing thread

Post by smduff on Mon Sep 12, 2011 11:48 am

lmao
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Re: The amusing thread

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