Near the knuckle?

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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by bob2701 on Fri Aug 05, 2011 9:25 pm

LMAO :laugh:
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Sun Aug 07, 2011 9:02 am

Gentlemen, I believe it is time you took the:

Sensitivity Test

Please answer the following questions truthfully


1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking.

B. Screwing.

C. Taking the pigskin bus to Tuna Town.


2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.

B. Your blood-test results.

C. Five Tequila slammers.



3. You time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.

B. You both climax simultaneously.

C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.



4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.

B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.

C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.



5. Spending the whole night cuddling with a woman you have just had an
hour of incredible sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.

B. The second best part of the experience.

C. Toda la noche; it's $100 extra.



6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month.
You tell her that it is:

A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.

B. Not a problem; she can join your gym.

C. A conservative estimate.


7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

A. A myth.

B. An oxymoron.

C. A moron.


8. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. An appetizer is to an entree.

B. Primer is to paint.

C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.



9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

A. I hope we can still be friends.

B. I'm not in right now; please leave a message at the beep.

C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.



10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.

B. Is uptight and a waste of time.

C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by SavageNFS on Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:36 am

lol!
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by bob2701 on Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:40 am

LMFAO.. Amazing how many relate to "C"... :HAHA: :HAHA:
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by Steve on Sun Aug 07, 2011 11:49 am

LMFAO

:laugh: ROTFLMAO thanks
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by rrplay on Sun Aug 07, 2011 7:05 pm

:HAHA: ROTFLMAO :HAHA:

Edit: Come to think of it ... my nephew Stephen is getting married next month and it might be a good idea for him to look at this . thanks


Last edited by rrplay on Sun Aug 07, 2011 7:22 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : added nephew remarks)
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:31 pm

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I picked up a girl who took me back to her place. She was called Penny - spooky or what?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

ABC News: Bad drivers to face $500 fines.

Seems a bit sexist to me

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I got fired from my job as a prostate examiner today...
Apparently shouting "Look, no hands!" is inappropriate.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

My penis enlarger I ordered on Ebay arrived this morning. (The robbing bastards) $45.00 for a f**king magnifying glass.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a Roger. It was only when I had my trousers around my ankles that I realised she wanted to rent out her spare room


Last edited by grumpydaddy on Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:55 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by rrplay on Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:38 pm

:laugh:
my niece and her hubby are celebrating there first year together next week and it may be a good idea to share the Sensitivity Test with him..could be interesting because my niece is an ex Marine and he is not .

thanks Mike !
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Aug 12, 2011 2:01 pm

Another of those "lines"

I was talking to a girl in the pub the other night and said "you remind me of my little toes "

She said "Is that coz i'm small and cute ??"

I replied "No its because I'll probably end up banging you on the coffee table when I'm pissed "!!!!
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by bob2701 on Fri Aug 12, 2011 4:34 pm

LMFAO
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by SavageNFS on Fri Aug 12, 2011 9:14 pm

so true...
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by smduff on Fri Aug 12, 2011 9:14 pm

LMAO
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Sat Aug 13, 2011 8:42 am

I was at my neighbour's the other day, she was bent over the kitchen table and all was going just great until we heard a key in the front door...

"Oh no, it's my husband. Quick, use the back door" she said


....I probably should have left straight away but you don't get an offer like that every day. smile:
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by bob2701 on Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:24 am

ROTFLMAO ROTFLMAO drink
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by bob2701 on Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:15 pm

God and Lawn Care

GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop ? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
' Dumb and Dumber ', Lord. It's a story about....

GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:57 pm

thinking Hmmmm smile:

Not me though ....have you heard the saying "It's a jungle out there"?
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Re: Near the knuckle?

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