Near the knuckle?

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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Tue Mar 01, 2011 5:20 pm

A Rabbi goes to his friend the shoemaker. He says, "Solli? I have retired and in this paper bag is all I have to show for it, it is filled with foreskins, make me something with them I can be proud of"....... A week later he goes back, Solli presents to him a beautifully stiched purse made from the foreskins.? Rabbi says," by god is this all??" Soli says" Give it a rub Rabbi, it turns into a suitcase"
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Tue Mar 01, 2011 5:22 pm

Mans new budgie keeps sayin "Am a Geordie budgie am hard as F*CK". He gets so fed up he buys a Kestrel and puts it in the cage. Next morning the kestrels dead. Budgie says "A telt yi, am a Geordie budgie, am hard as F*CK". He puts a Buzzard in the cage. Next morning the buzzards dead. Budgie says "A telt yi man, am a Geordie budgie am hard as FUCK". Man puts an Eagle in the cage. Next morning the eagles dead but the budgie has no feathers. The Budgie says "I had to tek me coat off for that f*cker."

Hope you get the "accent"
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by 4hams on Tue Mar 01, 2011 6:13 pm

LMAO!!!
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by rrplay on Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:37 am

oh man !! these are best LMTO ! LMTO ! :laugh:
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:29 pm

There is always the danger of repeating here.... If it happens, remember us old 'uns forget for fun :D:

There are 3 dogs in a veterinarian clinic: a Poodle, a Chihuahua, and a Great Dane.
The poodle asks the Chihuahua," What are you in here for?" The Chihuahua says," Well usually I’m a good dog...but I have a huge problem with my mail man. I don’t know why, I just always have to bite him, and I gave him a serious injury. So... they’re going to put me to sleep today. What are you here for?" he asks the poodle.

The poodle says, "Well usually I'm a pretty good dog, but my owners son always sticks his finger in my food while I'm eating. And when he does that...I just got to bite him I don’t know why. And I really hurt him. So there going to put me to sleep today."

The two dogs look at the Great Dane, and the Great Dane is like 20 times bigger than them. And they ask," DAMN MAN!!! What are you in here for? You never see Great Danes in the pound." And the Great Dane says," Awwww, you guys wouldn't believe me if I told you." And they said, "JUST TELL US!"

So the Great Dane says, "Well usually I'm a pretty good dog, but you see I have like the hottest owner in the world. She’s a beautiful woman with a HOT RACK and SEXY ASS. One day when she got out of the shower, she bent over to get a towel. When she did, I totally lost all self-control. So I mounted her and started GOING AT IT!!!"

The two dogs say, "DAMN MAN!!! So they’re going to put you to sleep too huh???” And the Great Dane replies, "HELL NO, I'M JUST HERE TO GET MY NAILS TRIMMED!"
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by 4hams on Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:36 pm

LMAO! ROTFLMAO :HAHA:
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by bob2701 on Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:54 pm

Man, Grumpy is really on a roll. ROTFLMAO thanks drink
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Mar 04, 2011 2:20 pm

Hard to keep up with you bob
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by Steve on Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:47 pm

Excellent as usual Grumpy!! LMAO
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Mon Mar 07, 2011 2:13 pm

Little girl climbs up on santas knee,
"What would you like for christmas?" asks santa,
The little girl replies "I want a barbie and G.I Joe"
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says "I thought barbie comes with ken"
"No" said the little girl "she comes with G.I Joe, she fakes it with ken"
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by smduff on Mon Mar 07, 2011 2:16 pm

LMAO sick, but most likely true Ken's wardrobe is just to flamboyant.
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by SavageNFS on Mon Mar 07, 2011 2:39 pm

FACT ROTFLMAO
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by 4hams on Mon Mar 07, 2011 3:36 pm

lol!
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by Steve on Mon Mar 07, 2011 3:42 pm

LMFAO

:laugh: ROTFLMAO
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by bob2701 on Mon Mar 07, 2011 9:33 pm

:laugh: :laugh:
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:15 pm

A boy sitting on Santas lap and Santa puts his finger on the boys nose and says "I bet your name is (spells out ) J i m m y ?"

The little boys eyes light up and Santa puts his finger on the boys nose again and says " I bet you want a (spelled out ) b i k e ?"

Little Johnny's eyes light up and he asks "How'd you know that ?"

Santa replied "Because I'm Santa I know everything".

Little Johnny gets a funny look in his eye and says "I bet you like (spells out ) g i r l s ?"

Santa says "Yes, how'd you know that ?" The boy says " Because your finger smells like P U S S Y !"

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Little Johnny goes to school one day and the teacher has a brown paper bag

She reaches her hand in it and says "it's round, it's got a stem, and it's got a leaf."

Little Johnny raises his hand and says "it's an apple, it's an apple. "

Then he says now let me give you one.

He reaches his hand in his pocket and says "it's round, it's hard , and it's got a head."

The teacher says "Ohh Johnny that's gross."

Little Johnny says "no it's a quarter but I like the way you're thinking."
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by Steve on Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:43 pm

LMAO

:laugh: :HAHA:
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by SavageNFS on Mon Jul 04, 2011 6:27 pm

Little Johnny is always funny :laugh:
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by smduff on Mon Jul 04, 2011 8:22 pm

LMAO.
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by rrplay on Tue Jul 05, 2011 8:19 am

:laugh: keep 'em coming ROTFLMAO
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:55 am

I hope that Unibond is a worldwide product...

I'm sure you have all heard those really bad pick-up lines doing the rounds...

The worst one I have heard to date:

"The name is Bond, Unibond. I'm here to fill your crack"
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by bob2701 on Mon Aug 01, 2011 8:00 am

LMAO....
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by rrplay on Thu Aug 04, 2011 5:49 pm

You laid on my naked body and applied your mouth to me without guilt or humiliation.
You drove me near crazy while you drained me.
Today when I awoke, you were gone. I searched for you but to no avail.
Only the sheets bore witness to last night's events.
My body still bears marks of your ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you.
Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you, you f*cking mosquito.
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by bob2701 on Fri Aug 05, 2011 8:09 am

LMAO
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Re: Near the knuckle?

Post by grumpydaddy on Fri Aug 05, 2011 1:04 pm

There was a penguin on a cross America driving tour -- is was slow in the Antarctic, was on his annual vacation. When he was in Arizona, the penguin saw his oil light come on and decided that he'd best get it looked at. He stopped at a garage and they told him to come back in a half an hour so they could look at it. The penguin then walked up the street, and he spotted an ice cream store. To a penguin in the desert, nothing sounded better than ice cream. So he went in an order a big bowl of vanilla ice cream. Unfortunately, the penguin didn't have hands, he only had flippers, so he really made a mess of things but then he saw it was time to go back to the garage. The penguin waddled back up the street to the garage and the mechanic said "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin replied, "it's only ice cream."
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Re: Near the knuckle?

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